moving forward with change and …

Posted by chef apple on Thursday, August 4, 2011 · 6 Comments

This is NOT a plug for President Obama! Eventhough I think he is one sexy man and being that he is the President of these here United States of America, well, enough said on that matter. Anyways, things are changing. Okay, well, specifically, I’m changing. When I say changing, I’m talking whiplash amounts. And believe me when I tell you, I am trying to catch up and hang on for dear life. I’ve managed to position myself into somewhat understanding who I am now, as opposed to who I was a few months ago, hell even a few years ago. Change is not something that I usually welcome, but in my state of constant change now, it is something that is growing on me like a viral fungus. The consequences, even the outcomes of your changes are never what you could possibly predict even in your most insane drunken stupor when you are blathering off at the mouth, but change, especially when you’ve changed for the better, is something that can make you smile.

I’m not talking a general old, hey how you doin’? smile. I’m talking the people around you can see the back of your teeth, you’re glowing and their is a skip, a jig, whatever the hell you want to call it in your step. In fact, unfortunately, when you’ve changed for the better, it is almost intoxicating.

I’m one of those people who are serious people watchers, in-fact, I’ve perfected the art of people watching that it should be a science. The one thing that always crosses my mind when I’m watching – why aren’t more people sprinting towards greatness, towards humanity. Why aren’t more people trying to evolve into a better version of their 1.0. I used to be a wild child (see picture)

I tend to watch people, even my friends and now that they are reading this, they are probably freaking out right now, but, I wonder this all the time when I listen to the stories about how miserable they are about their jobs and why are their home lives soooooo unsatisfying, and why didn’t they take the time to follow their dreams and ambitions.

Over the past few months, I’ve really thought about these issues, that seem to plague my friends and I am starting to understand why some people give up and stay in the stagnant life that they’ve created for themselves. I see it, I understand it, I finally GET IT! It’s not a matter of being capable, it’s a matter of being afraid of the unknown, I believe wholeheartedly that it is a matter of personal choice. It’s a matter of grabbing your life by both hands and saying I will take control and I will do what is necessary to make me happy, only then can I make the people around me happy.

The one thing that I’ve learned, making drastic change in your life and being able to constantly change can be for a lack of a better phrase, a real pain in the ass. The tricky part to succeeding with your drastic change is making the first step. I will tell you this tho’, be wary of the people that you have around you. As much as you would love to believe that the people you hold in high esteem, will be supportive because of your positive change, this is not always the case.

The sting of disappointment is something that you will either have to bite and swallow with your big boy/girl pants on. You will either realize that you don’t have what it takes to make the necessary changes in your life, because the people around you are telling you don’t have to or subliminally they are telling you that you will never be able to make the changes that you want to and stick to them. I’m telling you at this point, surround yourself with people who will be a positive influence in you quest to make the changes that you want to.

You know, I get why people cower inside of themselves and look longingly like a little kid at other people who are walking the walk and talking the talk, they want to be those brave people, making their mark. I understand why they wouldn’t be willing to sacrifice their relationships for their own well-being. But, taking the step to be a better person is easier said than done. It’s easier to say you’d love to be great and you’d love to polish the diamond you know is inside of you, but when it happens? It’s not always the sweet and delicious heaven you’ve been waiting for, it can sometimes be a bitter-ass horse of a pill to swallow.

Most people don’t like change, and when you take that all to powerful step toward change, people may feel threatened, jealous, or envious, then they become spiteful. The may want you to lower yourself back to their level. They miss the stories of how you got your heart broken because yet again you chose the wrong guy/girl. They may not be enthused by the changes you are implementing in your life and you new approach to friends, career, family, dating and everything else in between. They may not be prepared when you take a stand for YOU!

One of the complications with change is that it forces you to look at the relationships you are in. You begin to look at the toxic relationships that are around you, realizing that you are not able to save every relationship will force you to take the proverbial weed-wacker out. Trust me when I tell you, it may hurt for a minute, but you will feel liberated by the end. It takes a powerful change to realize that by weeding out the toxicity around you, that not just anyone will be able to get an audience with you. You don’t want to expend that energy to negativity, you don’t want that energy invading your energy. When you make that finally step to happy and peaceful, the last thing that you would ever want is for someone to crash your Change Partyand ruin what you’ve spent months, or years building.

All you’ve ever strived for is peace and happiness, to stop caring about what people were saying to you, most importantly about you. To not have to swallow your feelings and end up in the hospital yet again with another ulcer, to stop falling for the crazy, psychotic guy/girl who makes your life miserable and eventhough sex with crazy people is amazing, maybe the crazy that follows the steamy days or nights isn’t worth it. You want to stop feeling that your wants and needs are just as important as the wants and needs of your “friends”. That you have really do deserve to be loved, because you are worth loving, because you are a good and decent person, who deserves to be loved for your heart. All you would ever ask from the people that you love is for them to support your decision to be happy. DO they even know how long, how much work it takes, how much strength you have to muster to finally figure out how to fix your life and how to move forward? Do they?

Because most people don’t understand or simply don’t care, you need to stop allowing their insecurities to impact your life. When you tell them about your changes and they look at you like you’ve grown a second head, because they don’t see why you need to change they just don’t understand it.

This is when you step back in shock, with your mouth open and hear yourself saying, “Well, that wasn’t the reaction I was hoping for…”

This is when the heavens open up, you hear angels singing and that brilliant light that has been rumored appears. This is when you realize that you need to move on, cause you sure as hell don’t want to be stuck this way forever, you don’t want to regress. You don’t want to adopt those insecurities anymore, you want to be FREE, you want to walk with a light step, you don’t want to be around those insecurities any longer. There is nothing more powerful, more contagious than the reflection of someone else’s insecurities.

When this moment of enlightenment hits you and the warm glow of that rumored light hits your face, you’ll move on, break ties, value your sanity even more, because the craziness that you had been living for however long is worth more to you now, than you ever realized or anyone could possibly imagine.

…and your sanity is more important than the craziness! Trust me when I tell you, your sanity is more important!